Armageddon Expo – First impressions and experiences

It’s not often that I go out to awesome things. AVCON, also known as Anime and Video Game Convention, is the only venue I know of in my city that brings together the sweaty nerds and cosplayers as one big happy dysfunctional family. The last two years had been disappointments for my friends and I had found those times to be average. But this year heralded the Armageddon Expo, a place of celebrities, wonder and beauty that AVCON didn’t have.  And as such I went on many social adventures, some bountiful and some tragic. I’ll tell this in a series of episodes because then that’d make this block of text much easier to read. There's also an unhealthy dose of pictures so be prepared!

1. Into The Lions Maw

Imagine this, but with more spikey and colourful wigs.

I bought my two days worth of tickets and found myself within the convention area. It was pretty large and reminded me of hangars where heroes defeated villains while blowing shit up. I felt at peace. I managed to easily find this place by following the crowds of cosplayers meandering their way to and from the nearby food emporiums. I deduced that the food inside the actual convention would’ve cost a fair price. I begin a walk taking in all my surroundings. People were getting photos with a Darth Vader, a Storm Trooper and also a Master Chief because why the hell not. I made my way looking around blindly, just hoping that I will find someone familiar. I then felt a bunch in the boob.

2. Hey People I know

Needs more impossibly large swords.

“I PUNCHED YOU IN THE BOOB” bellowed James, someone I had recognised. I nursed my throbbing boob hoping that it’d heal quicker. I learned that the only other person I could recognise was Kira. Both Kira and James were cosplaying. Kira was dressed some lady from Kingdom Hearts that only she seemed to know about while James was some sort of white-haired loner character from Bleach. I look around at this point and notice someone on the second floor of a room on the side of the convention centre. They wore strange, yet almost futuristic attire.
“What are they dressed as?” I inquired to James.
“They’re wearing a hat. They must be a Pokemon trainer.” I looked at James quizzically. There was a small silent pause and then he just echoed “A Pokemon trainer”. I realized if I valued the posterity of my other boob, I’ll just agree with him. I met a bunch of other people who knew Kira and James.

3. The Thinkening

THIS IS MY TRUE POWER.

It was then I made my plans. I would scope out the entire place and learn who was ready for autographs. I was to get my autographs from: John Rhys-Davies who is also known as Gimli from Lord of the Rings, or also known as that funny Arab guy from Indiana Jones or the professor from Sliders. I was also to get Renee O’Connors autograph because HOLY SHIT RENEE O’CONNOR. THAT’S GABRIELLE FROM XENA.

THY SHIT IS HOLY

I was also thinking of getting Hudson Leick’s autograph because she was from Xena too. She played Callisto who is this crazy girl.

YEARRrhahararajraheheheheh

4. On The Hunt

"How about a right ol' game of Jumanji ol' chap?"

I departed away from the social group and made my way over to the celebrity panel and saw that John was already signing. I went over to the ticket booth and asked for an autograph ticket. The thirty dollar ticket was held to me as if my life depended on it. Also, deep within the bowels of my mind doubt was swimming. Was thirty dollars worth an autograph? Probably not. But my emotions took over my rationale. I needed this autograph.

5. An Unprecedented Hitch

Will this pun work?

I made my way over to John but noticed there was a rope across. It read ‘Closed’. ‘Perfect fucking timing’ I though. I then went to look for friends but instead wandered, looking at all the overpriced merchandise and cosplayers. Some were dressed pretty shoddily and inappropriately. Others looked pretty good. Especially that girl who had one strap across her boobs to act as a shirt. You could see her underboob. I looked at every chance I could.

I'm looking right now. We're looking right now.

The worst thing about cosplayers is trying to tell whether some of them are male or female. The difference between an obese male and a plump female are very little, especially with wispy hair and face makeup when dressed as Anime characters. These people made me feel uncomfortable, mostly because they all had

katanas.

Okay, you don't look like a girl Inuyasha. Wait, I mean-

6. The Best Part Of The Day

Genuine smile time!

There was a point however where I saw someone dressed in something that took me a few seconds to realize. Not because I had difficulty recognising them, but because of the initial shock.

This guy was dressed as Dave Strider.

I'm just regular old Dave from the fucking present.

All I could do was watch, utterly speechless. 

Dave Strider. In my city? THIS MAN KNOWS OF THE GLORIOUS WEBCOMIC.

In my excitement, as well as fear, I made away from him. What happened in my mind next was rather strange. I tried to think of all these ways I could approach him, say hello, maybe find out their username and keep in touch. Us fans gotta stick together.

It was only later that I realized that what I was doing in my mind was essentially coming up with pick-up lines. I then felt hesitant and every time I saw this person dressed as Dave, I would attempt to call out to him

“Dave...”

But I couldn’t get loud enough to signal his alarm for I felt that uttering his name too loudly would behold disastrous consequences. Finding a fellow fan seemed sacred as well as delicate.

Later I did manage to meet him. I told Kira that Dave Strider was among us and spoke of the rarity of his breed. She then pulled me into a conversation with him.

“Homestuck fan?” Is what I could remember saying.

“FINALLY” He screamed. Then a fulfilling yet quick discussion took place with a thousand references. It ended gloriously just like this.

It was then we left paths. Well, kinda. He still hung around in the convention centre and we’d awkwardly acknowledge each other in the style of a Stare Standoff. But that was pretty hard to do as he had sunglasses on but I felt it.

7. Then A Bunch Of Boring Stuff Happened

You yawned looking at this, didn't you?

Yeah.

8. An Encounter Of The Famous Kind

"And my axe!"

John Rhys-Davies was back in his seat signing away and I was in line, conversing with this lady who was a big fan of everything I can think of. She was obviously excited about meeting John. After her turn came mine and it was time for me to ask the big (but portrayed small) man a few things. This is only as I can remember the situation:

“Hi John. Wow, I feel giddy. How are you? How’s Adelaide?” I say as I am shaking his hand.
“I love Adelaide, it’s a good place.” I feel doubtful that Adelaide is great, but his soothing and educated voice eased me and I was able to converse easier. We talked for about a minute and he began signing the autograph  for a friend of mine who is REALLY into LOTR like you wouldn’t even believe. I take that the conversation is going smoothly, even with my slight nervousness.

“So what do you do?” asks John. His velvet voice reaffirming the calmness he seemed to send into my very being.
“Oh, I’m a student” I reply. “I was once trying to be an actor but I kinda of, uh, failed miserably and decided to stop trying” I say, scratching the back of my neck.
“Yeah, well , there are many better jobs than acting” He replies, not missing a beat, “So, what are you planning to do now?”
“I was thinking of, maybe, writing.” He then gave me this look. It was a ‘Are you serious?’ kind of look mixed with a serious amount of doubt. I felt his sagely wisdom bear down on me like a great heavy boulder that I am vainly trying to lift off my crushed hopes and dreams. He then leans over and engages in a discussion with Karen Allen next to him about them being deserted on a deserted island and writing a TV script. I barely hear a goddamn thing they say so I smile and nod.
“Thanks for that, John” I say and head off. “Goodluck with your day.” He smiles and waves, probably not hearing a thing I said.

The man we all wish we could be.

9. There Was Professional Wrestling

Remember, it's not fake if you bleed.

And it was pretty exciting for me. I feel the memories of people falling from a giant suspended fist to Goldust and his movies flood into my mind. I watch the titanic yet amateur wrestlers engage in combat. I enjoy this display of battle.
“My favourite guy is in the purply pants” I say to James, while wondering whether purply is even a word to describe it.
“That’s not purple, that’s magenta” he replied, concentrated on other matters such as perusing the wares of various stalls.
“Magenta?” I retort, “Don’t you mean, MAN-GENTA?” My pun fell on deaf ears. After the wrestling we headed away from the ring and on the way  I saw the pokemon cosplayer. I say to James:
“Do pokemon trainers use guns?” The cosplayer wondered off toting a large plastic uzi-styled gun.

10. He Was Actually Not A Pokemon Trainer

He was cosplaying as the protagonist in Cave Story!

My mind was fucking blown!

11. There Was This Fourteen-Year Old Girl Who Was Into Yaoi

Yo, yaoi's yaoimmy!

And she danced the carmadellsan pretty poorly too. I felt uncomfortable. I was in the glass room that I saw the Cave Story cosplayer in earlier. It was pretty loud as at least twelve people danced the carmadellsan. My head almost throbbed. I growled in disappointment.

12. I high-fived Darth Vader

"Too..... *breathe*.... slow....*breathe*"

Hey, while we’re doing small awesome events.

13. So Then I Met Callisto

"I am rather coherent in real life!"

And by that I mean Hudson Leick. She had no line going up to her and someone was giving her a brain massage. She looked worn. I bought another thirty dollar autograph ticket (Whyyyy?) and approached her. This is probably the best conversation I had with any of the celebrities. The awkwardity passed quickly and we were in conversation. I learned that she loved being the crazy character of Callisto and she is a fan of Legend of Zelda. I almost shit my pants at that point. I got fist bumps from her after that comment. She was very friendly and happy and commented that Adelaide was a pretty nice place. She also told me that Australian guys don’t maintain eye contact and really, she, and pretty much all females, likes guys that have good eye contact. She said I maintained good eye contact. I had to contain the personal explosion within the depths of my mind.

"Join me, and we will destroy Xena togetherrrasrjkrhrsHHEehehhehe"

The conversation had to break because someone wanted an autograph. I got mine addressed to Mum because she is way more into Xena than I am. I left that conversation content. She had someone massage her brain again.

14. There Was This Really Fat Guy

Dear god was he fat

15. I Did Plenty Of Wandering With Kira And James

This picture doesn't reflect the episode at all! Call my agent.

There was a lot of overpriced things that made me almost buy them. An L wallet? An L keyring? Goddamn it, do they know their market well. But as my friends did a second round I got really bored and grew sympathetic of the nearby stands. There was a guy staring into nothingness so I approached him.
“I saw you were looking bored, so I thought I’d pop over and ask a few questions” He laughed awkwardly. The conversation was mine. We discussed his stall, which was pretty much a springboard into digital and interactive courses. I left when someone else approached, knowing I did well. I then approached  a second bored stall guy and tried to have a conversation. However, I didn’t have the edge as the conversation kept on falling into nothingness and I had to say “Hmmm, yeah” and try to tack on recycled subjects I had with the other guy. I left instantly when people approached inquiring about the Australian manga, with me saying “Dear God where have my friends gone? Seeya!”

16. Free Autographs

Sign me up!

So I totally met the guy who did the voice of Teen Gohan. He is also the announcer of DBZ so I half jizzed in nostalgia. There was this music creator guy who was said to create virtually every modern video game and anime theme song. I had a half-conversation half-awkward-moment-of-silence with this bloke of esteemed claim. There was this voice actor lady who did the voice for someone in an anime about vampires that I never heard of. Finally there was the guy who did the voice of the Grandpa in Ben 10. I had a small and pleasant conversation with him and managed to get him to address his autograph to my kid-neighbour who will forever be in my debt over this.

Final Boss: Renee O’Connor

"What is a fan? A miserable little pile of signatures!
But enough talk, next in line!"

I couldn’t recognise her at first but as I looked the features came into view. Then i saw the poster behind her blatantly validating that this was Gabrielle from Xena. I bought my final ticket, cringing as I handed over my money. I hoped it would be good. I walked over to Renee’s desk and began conversation. I started off generic, saying how much I enjoyed Xena as a child and growing up. However, I felt I  was continuously waning in conversation and that she was rapidly losing interesting and getting bored. I then inquired about how she became an actor for the series. She told me that she started off in a small community theatre group and worked her way up from there. I got a phone call. I answered it.
“Can’t talk. Talking to Gabrielle”
“What?!?!” came my sisters voice. I hung up and continued conversation. It ended shortly and I felt slightly dissatisfied that the conversation didn’t go well but as I said goodbye and left I rationalized that she was tired, and that on better days she would’ve been more bright. I didn’t leave with an A+ on my social score, but at least I passed. Today was a good day.

Mmmmm.