Introduction:
Body Odour is the scourge of the social world. Even though it can be easily managed sometimes it has this habit of creeping up when we least expect it like Bobo, the clown doll you thought you locked in the attic. People working out in gyms learn very quickly that unless they start spraying on the good-smell they'll be fresh out of friends with the better smelling armpits. According to Wikipedia:
“Body odor or body odour, sometimes colloquially abbreviated as B.O., is the smell of bacteria growing on the body. The bacteria multiply rapidly in the presence of sweat, but sweat itself is almost completely odorless to humans.”
Keep it in mind that sweat itself doesn't make the smell, rather, the bacterium that happens to thrive in the excrement that was forced through your skin to stop you from overheating and dying. I’ll probably cover sweat in another post about how disgusting and awesome it is.
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| We've all been there. |
Social ramifications of Body Odour:
B.O. can be the worst thing that can happen to you in a social scene. It has the power to automatically turn off every person in your proximity. I’ve had the experience of being turned off by a lady's pungent scent and ever since I’ve put on enough body deodorant in my armpits to act as an extra layer of skin.
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| What everyone should do before they hit on somebody. |
Having B.O. can kill your social life if it becomes way too prevalent. Remember that smelly kid back in school or high school? How did their social life go? It went to shit. Much like how they smelt. They probably had that one friend who happened to either be the poor sod that was stuck with the mighty smelly one, smelt terrible themselves, or lost all sense of smell by being conceived, birthed and raised in a fertilizer plant. Body Odour occurs mostly in people who exercise a lot, people who have a lot of sex, people who do a lot of masturbating and people who happen to be in hot weather. However, depending on the severity of B.O., the sex might stop. But the masturbation can go on for eons.
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| Someone has been busy. |
Remedies to Body Odour:
The most oft used approach to avoiding the smelly side of sweating is by using deodorant which is something anyone with the most basic of hygiene sense should understand. There are instances however where deodorant is unavailable.
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| Proper deodorizing technique. |
This is okay if you are spending the day at home but any venture into public is an anxiety-ridden trip into the social realm. Being the dealer of body odour is very difficult to cover up without the proper tools for the job. Body sprays, although they don’t work as a deodorant, can cover up the smell but this is just taking care of the symptoms. If you are unable to find any form of cover-up scents then I suggest you use the stealth strategies:
1: Keep your goddamn arms down. You’ll look like a robot, but this method should cover up your armpits and reduce your body odour by 20-40%.
2: Always be on the move. If in the supermarket, dart between aisles and make sure that you snatch up items quickly. That way you should avoid sticking in one place at once and letting the odour build up intensely in one spot. Also, don’t forget to pick up the goddamn deodorant.
3: Use your friends. This can range from many forms. If you have a friend with a swimming pool, spend a lot of your time in there to cover up your pits – or alternatively go to the beach. If you’re out with friends, admit that you ran out of body odour and see if any has some spray for you. If that fails, hide close to them until they give up tolerating your hell-odour and buy some for you, or if not, use them as a scapegoat for strangers. That way, personal embarrassment can be avoided as long as nobody is inquiring as to which out of your friends is the smelly one.
4: Use other smells to smother yours. Covering yourself up with another smell might work but it’s up to you to assess it. If you are moving around too much while already under the B.O. affliction it can make you smell worse than a legion of feral pigs running on treadmills in a gym without proper ventilation. Using sprays from bathrooms/toilets can be used as a last resort. You might smell like the bathroom/toilet, but by hell you won’t smell like Mike Tyson fighting his night terrors in his sleep all night.
Putting up with someone’s smell is a psychological battle within itself. I try to be polite and ignore or don’t draw any attention to the outstretched hand of smell-smog slapping me in the face loony tunes style. But that isn’t helping that person’s case at all. You got to bite the bullet and tell them that they smell – something I never did. To not do that will keep the person under the illusion that they smell beautiful and that they could lift their armpits all they want which is exactly opposite to what you want. I wouldn’t be surprised if B.O. was the sole reason for a breakdown in a friendship. And I am not surprised if it is some kind of horrendous fetish. Wait, why am I saying ‘if’?
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| Before, people licked smelly, slimy coarse lumps of amphibian skin - now we lick toads |
Closing comments:
Body odour is one of the many pitfalls of surviving socially. To get it is to be cursed. Thankfully with new advances in technology curses only fall on the ignorant and the poor. This has been my first official post and it was pretty fun typing up. I promise I’ll deliver better stuff later.
Here’s to a fun indefinite future ahead! Thanks for reading!
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| Ha-ha! Celebrations! |
