The Stare Standoff

Edit: Some of the animations are dodgy. They will be fixed up in due time

The Stare Standoff is one of those awkward but inevitable moments of our lives whenever we go out into a public place. They start of innocent enough. You make your way into a public place and give it a once over and look for familiar faces of friends and family, points of interest such as new things or attractive flesh, and hazards to avoid such as that guy draped in the blood-stained spines of his enemies.

"With enough ox tongues, I can BUILD a new God."

However sometimes out of bad luck, or maybe looking for too long, or looking too frequently, or by looking too fabulous we find ourselves looking directly at another stranger who is looking at you.

The situation. The conflict. The disgusting faces. Coming this summer.

Similar to the Walks And Strangers post, I’ll list a bunch of possibilities that could arise from such an awkward moment. Most of them harmless.

Most of them.

The Short Term:

1.  You look away– They look away

Hey, so you both noticed each other crossing perspective. It’s cool. You’ll both look away in a rush of excitement and never look in that direction again. And by never, I mean until you take the plunge later and look to see that the other person is gone. Phew, a close one. This experience will never be retold because, pffsh, what of it?

PFFSH. What of it?

2. You don’t look away – They look away

This blog is called SOCIAL SURVIVAL. Not SOCIAL PREDATOR. You sick dick. 

Take those cold, dead, and staring eyes away. Leave.

Beware freaks bearing gifts, or in this case, presence

3. You look away – They don’t look away

How do you know they are looking at you when you aren’t looking at them? From the corner of your eye, reflections, cameras, mysticism or your teammates whispering Intel into your earpiece, are all easy ways to know this detail.  There are plenty of excuses to this behaviour that haven’t been explained earlier in order for a confrontational joke at the reader’s expense (that’s you!). Such behaviours like tiredness, drunkenness, a brain spasm, drugs, or being Zac Efron give you a nomination for being the next stare contestant. There is also the possibility that you are the reason they are staring. Perhaps strangulating someone in broad daylight may have something to do with this, or filleting a fish using a rabbit. The possibilities are endless as there are limits!

Filleting a fish is a serious matter and should be taken seriously.

However, if they don’t stop staring, shift your location. If they follow, start a conversation with them to figure what their deal is. If they strike you as scary and predatory give a call to Schwarzenegger who will personally fuck their skull. Or maybe you should call the police or summon some really strong family members - whatever strikes you as most convenient and rational.

         Historians believe that Schwarzenegger’s slogan: "Fuck these high taxes, fuck this medicare system and fuck a Predator's skull" gave him the edge he needed to succeed in politics.

4. You don’t look away – They don’t look away

And thus the fun begins: a standoff. You both might be very arrogant, or playful, or bored, or angry, or really really unlucky, or any combination of what is listed (and more!). I haven’t encountered this situation often but it is entirely foreboding and menacing. End it quickly by looking away or starting a conversation. If this cannot be done, however...

Well, you’re fucked really. Look until you can look no more.

It will be completely confusing, disorientating and awkward. You won’t know what came over yourself and you don’t know what that other person’s deal is. It will bug you for the rest of the day. And for those who are unlucky: the rest of their lives.

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK WAS THEIR DEAL?!

The Long Term:

The long term Stare Standoff is something of a sparkling jewel within the monotony of our lives. It gives us a taste of what life, when living in a sitcom, would be.

What the juicy giblet am I talking about? Hold your hoofbeasts. This might be a phenomenon that only I have the luck, or misfortune, of experiencing. So I must explain this at once without it sounding too sexual for this blog’s teenage crowd (I’m sorry guy’s it’s not really that sexual but it can be if you want it to be).

The long term Stare Standoff is a small game that you and a stranger will have going on. Whenever in each other’s presence you both proceed to look at each other even though you two have never ever had a conversation or moment of brotherly sacrifice.

It is not a look of allure, it is not a look of mockery and it is not a look of hunger. It is a look of recognition. Instead of this person being one of the many anonymous faces that you tend to look over without much thought in your daily life they are treated like one of those familiar characters within your life. It is an exciting part of the day when you notice them and chances are you’ll catch each other’s gaze. It is a rather strange game going on and some may not even know of it.

Aaah, the beauty of the infinite.

The origins of this game-pact are drenched in mystery. It has yet to be fully explored but I have said as much as I could.

I will leave you, dear reader, to the world that is social. Good luck with your adventures!

Ding!

And thus concludes the end of the stare standoff. As you may have noticed, I used ANIMATED GIFS instead of static images. I did that because I am not keeping up with updates! Less updates = Better quality, right?

Right.

Dear gods why did I make an effort my hand hurts so much augh

I’ll be posting again soon. I need to incorporate this into habit.

Also I’ll probably edit this over and over since I am quite buggered typing this out.
I have made all the mistakes.
All of them.

‘Till next time

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